Trouble with MJ

The song you need to hear today is Empty Handed by Michelle Branch (#20 on the playlist below) so go ahead and make sure its playing then get back up here. Quick... before I forget what I was gonna say. Now then, do you ever wonder about the correlation between the names we are slapped with and the way that plays into how we are percieved by the namegiver? For example, most husbands and wives come up with really syrupy, sappy, sweet terms to call each other like honey, darling, and for some strange reason a variety of baked goods. Cupcake, Muffin. Bagel. WHY?? Because darling you must be dry, crumbly, messy, and often edible in the morning! Yuck! I've so never been into names like that. Makes me want to pretend stick my finger down my throat every time I hear 'em. At the very least, give your mate a sensual name like "delicious" or even simply "love". Wisdom says stay away from food-derivatives or pet-sounding knicknames for the one you wanna get cozy with. Some poor soul out there is probably being called "hotpocket" or "toaster strudel". And as fate would have it the most creative name my ex could come up with for me, his beloved~ was "trouble" and occasionally, "meanie". So I was affectionately referred to in this manner "Come here, trouble." "Where's the remote, trouble?" "Hey trouble...wanna go upstairs?" You get the idea. But he said it in sort of a playful sexy way so it seemed ok at the time. Then, of course you have your standard name variations. Shortened condensed blips and snippets of the name your parents stuck you with. So with my name, the short of it can really only be Jules or Jewel. Then, there are the knicknames your REAL friends give to you. The icky, funny ones based upon behavior you want to forget. Classics like "fartface", or "pinhead", or the dreaded "lohan". Seriously, any name association with Lindsay Lohan would be a total insult to me. But these kinds of names come from the people who love you and know you better than they really want to. So what do the homegirls call me? MJ. Yeah baby I was a trending topic on Twitter! No, not really... but I like to think I was at least for the day. I was MJ but not short for Michael Jackson - short for Martha, Jr. How you ask, do you get associated with the name Martha and the name suffix of Junior? Came about because two of my favorite friends while helping me declutter my life after the fall of the entanglement between "trouble" and "time will tell" came across a pretty large stack of Martha Stewart magazines that were obviously well loved in my care. After serious heckling and teasing and embarrassing accusations, I finally admitted they were hopelessly mine. Seriously, I would have been less humiliated had they found stacks of Playgirl or Popular Mechanics because those would at least seem like I was cool in their eyes. It wouldn't have been as big a deal. My little secret stash instead inspired me to use 59 cent mini wreaths as napkin holders and put annihilated orange soup with a sprig of tarragon into dug out little pumpkins and oh- how I loved to see that fluffy dog of hers wearing scarfs pop out like Where's Waldo. Where's Cinnamon? It was horribly wrong and to have so many of them only made it worse. I was definitely going down a dangerous path. I was much too young to be doing this kind of whacked out stuff and my friends were quite concerned. Part of the insanity could at least be blamed on the husband that left me with no table to set and no kitchen to make soup in. I should also mention that these books were discovered long before Ms. Stewart went away to decorate jail cells. The identity concieved as Little Miss Martha Stewart, Jr. - wanna be crafty extraordinare~got shortened to MJ over time. So now, I ask you... how do I rid myself of this scarlet letter? Or am I just to remain MJ... the artist formerly known as trouble? I'ld love to hear all the genius names YOU are called! Go get your Red Bull and then go do something crazy today.