Many have asked. Where do you go from here? Find a new church, start a home church, not go to church, etc.? And the answer is both simple and complicated, but not something I will answer fully in this moment. See, I am absolutely *enchanted* with the God of the universe. The Creator of sunflowers, butterflies, Chai lattes, newborn babies, stunning sunsets and Siamese kittens. God pursued me for years in the most amazing ways. Even when I resisted. I knew full well that embracing Him would take everything in my life and turn it upside down. My love story with God is intricately close to my heart. I was twenty-nine years old when I finally understood the magnitude of such suffering and sacrifice and it has been a decade of falling deeper in love. It has had its ups and downs. But let me be clear. I am strong enough in my faith to not let anything -or anyone- diminish or distort the beauty of grace.
Not any church.
Not any religion.
Not any pastor.
It is beautiful to be part of a church that is enchanted by giving glory to God.
I want that. For me. For my family.
But I remember feeling like the bird who flew into the sliding glass door.
Still recovering from what I didn't see coming. Stunned by the illusion of something that appears reflective and transparent but shows itself to be obtuse and dense to any hint of criticism. An impermeable wall separating the word of God from its rightful application. I'm weary from hearing big words swirl around in my mind only to crash headfirst into conflict if I dare take it to heart. Or hands. Or feet. So I move forward motivated by the experience and driven to live grace as vividly as the change of seasons.